Magic and Miracles

When my wife had to go for a conference in Vietnam, baby Kaitlin was left with me. So I thought going to my Mom's place will help me a lot and make things very simple. But the story of me being a single dad for 5 days is not as simple as we all think.

You may all agree that 5 days without my wife is just a short period of time. That was also my first thought. But no, that was the longest 5 days I've ever experienced in my whole daddyhood. 

Days before my wife left, my right wrist was hating me already. I can't extend, rotate, or flex my wrist maybe because my baby is gaining more weight and she's hyperactive. You think that's bad enough? Wait there's more! My left eye was also swollen because of an infection. It was too painful and irritating and I can't even open my eye properly.

I had to drive for 1 hour from our house to my Mom's house with my left eye bugging me. The first hour without my wife was already a big challenge for me. How will I be able to take care our little princess? That is all I was thinking of that time. I really have to be in my Mom's house so she can help me take care of baby Kaitlin. But then again, when all the things seemed to be in their proper places, unexpected things also came to steal the moment.

I was so confident that my Mom's experience in taking care of babies would be a big help for me since baby Kaitlin will be her 6th grandchild. But when we arrived my Mom's house, my little princes suddenly turned into a plant called "makahiya". She never wanted to be touched by other people even by my mom. Insist or be deaf.  She would cry like there was a megaphone inside her throat. She would never stop, not until I pick her up. Even if she was playing, she didn't want me to leave her. I couldn't even go to the bathroom to wash my feet. She was too clingy that even my eating time became eating when there's time. So my plan of letting Kaitlin to be with my Mom ended with me and Kaitlin again. 

My plan of resting my wrist and my eye also shattered into pieces, a dream that became a nightmare. Exaggerated? I hope so but it's not. My left eye also faced headbutts, punches, kicks, knees and even rattles. I thought that I'd rather be a mushroom standing at one of the roots of a big tree than to be a dad. Even my Mom pitied me, her willingness to help me is blocked by the clingyness of my baby. I couldn't even go to the hospital to let the doctors check my eyes whose the swelling became bigger and bigger because Kaitlin don't want to be left from everyone but me. 

This was the greatest challenge I've ever encountered as dad so far. I felt helpless and so all I did was pray that God would take away all the swelling and pain that my body was experiencing. Every night, I would ask Him to heal me, and every morning I was disappointed because the swelling was still there. For five long days I was so disappointed. It felt like He didn't hear me. 

Until realization came into place. I remember the movie Bruce Almighty when God and Bruce is talking about magics and miracles. Parting your soup into two is a magic not a miracle. Healing my eye in just one day is a magic not a miracle. A single mom who have two jobs but still able to come to her son's soccer practice is a miracle. A youth who says no to drugs and yes to school is a miracle. A dad who has a bad wrist and a swollen eye but still takes care of her baby without the help from anyone is a miracle. Most people ask God to do things for them, but they don't realize they have the power to do things. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle. 

P.S.  As for my wife who returned after five days, just look in the picture what she brought home for me and for our little princess. Even if she was outside the country, she was still able to take care of our baby. That's why I love my wife very much.

swelling is just starting, worse is yet to come

She doesn't want to seat on her car seat or even to be carried by others. CLINGY 

Breast milk made from Vietnam

Did I mention that I love chocolates?

The house husband

It is in our culture, not only in the Philippines but all around the world, that the fathers provide for their families. So being a house husband isn't that easy specially to macho daddies like me.

Since I am the one who stays at the house to take care of our little princess, I am the one who wakes up early to prepare breakfast for my wife and baby, boils water for Kaitlin's bath, takes baby outside for her dose of sunlight, etc. When my wife leaves for office, baby Kaitlin and I starts playing, watching TV, telling stories, eating Marie, sharing hugs and kisses, watching the dogs outside, and playing again until she falls asleep.

Because of being a house husband for 7 months now, our little princess became a little clingy to me. OK, maybe not just little. She doesn't want me to leave her even during her playing time in her crib. She cries even if I only have to go to the toilet which is beside her room. By the way, can you imagine how Regine Velasquez sing joined by Arnel Pineda? That is how my baby cries. Neighbors two house away can still notice baby Kaitlin's voice. She even experienced losing her voice because of crying. There was a point when she cries without sound because she already cried too much. That is why I don't let her cry that much anymore.

When Kaitlin is too clingy, I can't even cook my own lunch so I am very used to eat lunch at around 2 or 3 pm. Even going to toilet is a challenge for me. One time I had no choice but to bring her with me. Since she was in a carrier I thought I could just pee easily. But no, when she heard the splashing sound, she started to search where the sound was coming from. When she realized she couldn't reach the splashing water by hand, she instead used her feet to reach the source of the golden water. So my pee went all over her feet and my short pants. And that meant it was time for bath. Again.

When she sleeps, sometimes I do the laundry, wash her cloth diapers (sometimes with poop), clean our room and baby's room, clean her feeding bottles, cut her nails, etc. 

There are times when she just wants to be carried all the time, causing my muscles to ache. In my lower back, shoulder, arms, legs, and feet, all are suffering from muscle pains.

But the hardest part of being a house husband is not the physical challenge we face everyday, it is the masculinity challenge. What is the masculinity challenge? It is when we think that we are not good fathers because we can't fulfill our duty as a provider of the family. 

I'll be lying if I say I am not envious of those daddies out there who are working and has their own salaries, those who buy their own cars, own gadgets, own pet dogs, own pants and shirts. I even sometimes get insecure what might other people say to me when they find out that I am the one stays in the house while my wife is working. 

I still want to get a job and expand my little business, but while my daughter and my wife needs me to be a house husband for a while, I'll be doing this. Why? Simple. Because I love them. Even if it takes away my "machoness" by doing laundry, even though other people may say bad things about me, even if I have to give up my manly pride. If my family requires it, I will do it because I love them.

You might wonder, why can't we just get a babysitter? There have been five different sitters who took care of our baby, but none of them passed the challenge. Three of them we're too young, so responsibility and dedication were their major obstacles. One got an attitude problem and one got pregnant. Trust is also hard to give away specially when it comes to your baby's care and security. 

For daddies out there that is working to provide your family's needs, keep it up bro. You've been doing great. But don't forget to still give your quality time to your wife and kids. Do not under estimate your wife if she stays at home. Being a housewife is a hard, tiring and frustrating job. Believe me guys, it is equally hard if you're in their position.

For stay at home mommies, I still cannot understand how the heck can you do things, I mean, I've been a house husband for 7 months now but I still get a hard time to sort things out. You carry your baby while doing household chores, breastfeed even your nipples are already swollen or bleeding, do the laundry, cook meals, wake up in the middle of the night because baby is crying, and you still do all of these even is you've got a headache. I mean, I've got bigger muscles than any of you but still you manage to do those things. I really really admire you for this.

For working moms, you are no less than any mommies who stay at home. Tired from work and yet you still got a lot of energy to tale care of you baby. You still give quality time to your husband and do household chores. You are a super mom. 

Finally, for all the house husbands out there... Yeah, sailing against the wind is hard as hell. What we are doing is against the world's culture. But sometimes to do what is right means giving up the things we want the most. Even our dreams. And giving up for the good of your family is a noble one. Two thumbs up for you guys. Inuman na yan!

She doesn't want to be left alone in her crib

She thinks I'm her bed

Don't mess with the breast

Warning: what you are about to read is a man's point of view about breasts. Readers discretion is advised specially if you are a lady. (But I suggest you give it a try. Somehow you'll be laughing at this.)

In my younger years, I sooooooo love women's breast. Those round, firm, tight, bouncing things in front of those ladies make my eyes move on his own, like having their own mind. They also make the guys' neck stretch like giraffes'. And if you watched the movie Exorcist where the one who was possessed by devil rotates her head 360 degrees? Well, we can also do that.

When I and my dude friends talk about celebrity women, breast size is surely not forgotten. For us, the bigger yet firm breasts tell the level of the yumminess of a lady. But there are some that are satisfied with just a handful.

But right after my wife gave birth, my understanding of women's body also changed like it was born again in new and more mature way.

All mommies out there who breastfeed their babies specially those who strive not to use any expensive formula in the market is more than a superhero for me. And that includes my wife.

Just two days after my wife gave birth to baby Kaitlin, her nipple was already bleeding, I may not feel it but I knew what she was feeling was an excruciating pain because every time Kaitlin was latching, my wife was always on the verge of crying. After her maternity leave, I thought that giving a formula milk to our baby was more convenient. But she insisted that she can provide our baby's milk even she is working. Every day she pumps milk at work and stocks the milk in the freezer. ....!@#$%^&*() ..... Ooooops! Just got startled with my wife again. Baby Kaitlin is now fond of biting her nipples.

Pain is a part of breastfeeding, but this is nothing compared to the magic of breastfeeding. Babies can connect mysteriously to their mom when they're latched. They communicate with their mom that no father can imitate or even explain. I even tried to stick the bottom of the feeding bottle to my chest, imitating my wife's position and then I looked at my baby's eyes. When she looked back at me, I knew it was not the way she stares at her mom when she feeds from her.

Some even thought that we were just being thrifty when we refuse to buy formula milk. If only they knew what the benefits of breast milk are. Oh yes, I did my own research. I even read the posts in my wife's Facebook account under her group of Breastfeeding Pinays where they share their experiences and knowledge about breast feeding. And guess what, they talk too much about breasts.

Women's breast is far more than just for man's satisfaction. It is life giving and life saving form of love for their babies. Even though they suffer from pain and bleeding, they still give whatever they can. It's a kind of sacrifice only moms can do. So I don't think no man should ever mess up with women's breast.

Breastfeeding in public places is encouraged now, and this is also my appeal to all the men out there. All we can do to support this is to make women comfortable with it. We must be amazed with their connection with their babies and not just to the breasts. And to my new superhero wife and other breastfeeding mommies out there, there maybe perverts, but don't let these monkeys stop you from doing a noble thing (I was also a monkey before). You may bleed, feel more pain and be taken for granted. But because you can love like no other man can, be proud. Be the mommy superheroes.

Being the real man

It's a man thing that we do the things we want to do, in our own ways, in our own time, on our own. We don't want anyone dictating us what to do, and no one can stop us because we are the KING!

But being a man is far different from being a REAL man.

I used to be the man who depends on no one even before in my college days. I used to go to places whenever I wanted, drink as much as I thought I could handle, and party as hard as I could. I also thought that I was brave enough breaking rules such as driving as far as Nueva Vizcaya without a driver's license.

But those were the days. Having a family of your own changes everything.

Most of us may agree when I say fathers should be the provider of his family. But for me, it goes far beyond that. Specially today that many men consider themselves to be fulfilling their duties by just giving money to their wife then he becomes the KING of the home-doing things he wanna do, saying whatever he wants to say. It's like I pay you, you shut up! It lowers the standard of fatherhood.

The real men should say, if I am the KING, my wife is the ACE, (you'll get this if you are playing pusoy or tong its). I treat my wife as my ACE. I don't just give her may income, I also cook for her, I massage her feet, I even wash her undies sometimes. I give her a hug when she's breastfeeding, I clean our bathroom, every night we pray together, I tell her how much I love her. That's the least I can do to ease her motherhood hassles. The point is, fathers should be the REAL man for your their wives.

Doing these things will not degrade your testosterone level. Love should be accompanied by service and sacrifice. Specially now that our baby Kaitlin is here. Don't be just the man of the family, be the REAL man.

But don't get me wrong. Doing such tasks sometimes exhaust me to a point that by sexy body gives up. But what makes me very satisfied with my life now is my energy is not wasted to unimportant things like what I used to do before.

REAL men should know how to change the baby's diaper with poop. Real men can carry their babies for several hours just to make his babe feel better...can dance like a fool just to bring delight to the baby's small face...can sing even though we don't know what the song lyrics are...can take care of their babies even if your head is aching. We, the real men of the house, should strive to be a superhero father, a man whom the mother and baby can trust.

Service and sacrifice everyday, be the REAL man in every way.

Her grand entrance

July 24 last year, around 9:00 in the morning, I was patiently waiting at the viewing area of the hospital nursery when my wife's OB approached me and asked me the hardest and craziest question I've ever encountered so far. "Who do you want to be saved, your wife or your baby?" Good thing that was only in my imagination. My head was floating because I have neither eaten nor slept for hours as I was waiting for my wife to give birth. It's been five hours since she entered the labor room and we have not yet received any news from anybody so I was starting to freak out. It was 2AM when she started active labor, and after 2 hours she was brought into the labor room. Finally, at 9AM her OB approached me to give an update.

"Her water bag has exploded but we need to wait for her cervix to open until 8cm. We will wait until 11am."

"OK."

I wanted to ask so many things that were running in my head that time but the only word that came out from my mouth was—OK. And the long wait continued. At 11AM, a nurse came asking me to go inside the labor room. When she said that, my heart is like having its own mind and want to run away on its own. But with all the strength, calmness, and "machoness " left in me, I left my chair, put a scrub suit on, and entered the labor room.

After 7 straight hours, I finally saw my wife again. As I looked at her face, plus all the tubes and wires attached to her, I knew she was in great pain. The doctors told me that her cervix was still 7cm dilated, and that we have to wait until 11:30AM to check for progress or else they will conduct CS operation. While looking at my wife, I knew somehow she wanted the pain to end so I asked her, "Let's allow them to do CS?" And my wife said, "Our savings is enough for normal delivery only". Yes, we didn't anticipate this because we thought everything was going to be normal, from her first check up until the week of her due date. But knowing that I could not do anything to ease the pain of my wife, I need to convince her to undergo CS operation.

"Gawan ko nalang ng paraan yung kulang na pera natin, magpa-CS ka na para matapos na yan".

This is the only thing I knew how to end the excruciating pain she was going thru. That was the least that I could do. And she finally agreed. We told the OB about our decision and I was asked to sign some papers. Then she was brought to the operation room.

I came back to my seat at the viewing room and after just 30mins, a nurse opened the window of the nursery. For the first time in my life, I could not explain the happiness and joy I was feeling. A baby was looking straight at me, smiling, and waving. Our little princess has finally arrived. She didn't want to pass through "tight places" and chose the express lane. Prinsesa nga eh!

This momentous experience gave me more reasons to honor, appreciate, and admire all the mommies out there especially my wife and my mom. To all of you, I give my four thumbs up! Thank you for all the courage!

Our little princess

About the author (because every blog has this)

Leonard Tome is a professional cook, small business owner, and a first time Dad from Laguna, Philippines. He studied at a cooking institute owned by a famous chef we see in a local TV network. A dad of a 7-month old princess-like daughter (know more about her highness when you start reading this blog). Married to her wife Kristine (Tin to most of their friends), for almost 2 years. In his free time, he loves to sit in front of a computer, not writing a blog but playing video games, reading books, or simply surfing the net. Well, being a chef, cooking for his family is his forte. Yes, not an outdoor person indeed. But he also likes to travel and try different kinds of food that can only be found within that place. This is his first blog ever in his entire existence. "Daddy Also Knows Best" is based from his experiences as a full time dad to his daughter, Kaitlin Mikayla.

with my princess and my queen